Fireworks
by Serpent Tailed Angel
Summary: Erza reflects on her relationship with Jellal as she tries to come to terms with his death at the Tower of Heaven.


This is what I turned in for my essay writing class. Guess what grade I got? Just guess!

** Fireworks**

Only a thin streak of purple can be seen in the horizon where the sun has just recently set. As twilight begins to fade, fireworks works go off above me. The crowds from the fair abandon the many booths to see the show, "oooo-ing" and "aaah-ing" at the dazzling display of color above them.

I alone remain, grateful for such a distraction. With everything that just happened, I can't quite bring myself to appreciate the lights. How nice of the fireworks to take the other's attention; it means they won't be looking at me.

I toss a few rings at a game stand without paying. One actually lands on a bottle, and the man behind the counter gives me a look that lets me know that even if I hand him cash now, I still can't get a prize for that. That's a shame. I could use a teddy right now.

"Five dollars" he tells me.

I smile and shake my head. Gray has all the money with him, and I don't really want to go speak to him right now. I'm enjoying the break from people sensitive to me.

I walk down the street, passing shell games and food vendors. I can't help but imagine what this scene would be like if things had turned out just the slightest bit differently-if I'd been able to save him. He'd be with me right now. We could hold hands and walk down this path together, free of the others who are absorbed by the fireworks. Not that I could ever really summon up the courage to hold his hand before, no matter how many times he offered it to me. He was always too far away, even when he was right beside me. It was like he was in another world.

I wonder if he's in heaven now, or if…

No. I can't cry yet.

"You were always too soft." I can hear him saying now. Jerk.

"That's not true."

"So soft…"

"Shut up!" I hiss. The man trying to sell me a chocolate-coated-something-or-other gives me an odd look.

I hurry down the street. What does he know? How dare he say that to me after I… broke down in front of him twice in one day, and then once more after he died.

I sigh. Maybe he's right. If I weren't so soft, I wouldn't be by myself, mourning a man who made me so miserable while he was alive. Gray and Lucy and the others are all enjoying the fireworks, yet I am alone-moping.

If he were still here, he'd be laughing at me. If he were like he was as a child, he'd be letting me know how silly I'm being for letting this get to me. If it were him as he was just before he passed away, he'd be telling me how pathetic I am: for being so soft.

It's not as if I miss that version of him, the him who haunted me for so long, the him who was killed just yesterday. I miss the boy I knew eight years ago, the boy I'd hoped I'd be able to draw out of that inexplicably hardened exterior. The boy I thought I could save, even after all the terrible things he did leading up to his death. That's why I'm so down, I suppose. Now the child him really _is_ gone forever. Now that he-as a whole-is gone, there's no chance of getting to speak with the friend I'd so idolized as a little girl. There's no chance of knowing that he finally stopped being that horrible person the general populace felt no remorse in snuffing out.

Perhaps it was for the best. I can tell myself all I want that he turned back to his old self just before he died, but I didn't see him. I don't know for sure. The boy I knew back then would be horrified to see what sort of person he became. He'd be glad to know that person was stopped. I should be glad too. This would have been what he wanted, for the person who caused his friends so much grief to be stopped, regardless of who it was. In a sense, I suppose the him from back then is finally free of the him of now.

With this comforting thought in mind, the idea that he's happier this way, I look up at the dazzling colors above me just in time to see a brilliant burst of scarlet. Yes, he's most definitely laughing at me right now, watching me from heaven.


End file.
